Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
