Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
