Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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