You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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