Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize