we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You smell like stripper and shame
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
