I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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