The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
