he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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