Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
