We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
