Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
