Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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