I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
