i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
