My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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