I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
