Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ttyl tear gas
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
