just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize