I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
