Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
