Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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