Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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