So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
