***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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