i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
