she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
