I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
