Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
