even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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