shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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