girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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