He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
