the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
