Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His nipple licking is glorious
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