I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
