thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
