i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
