dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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