WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
