Non-Jews are for practice
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
