My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
