I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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