Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
