remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
