just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
