sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
