I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't deserve a penis
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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