They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
