Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
