I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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