On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
