We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she pinky promised me she was 18
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
