Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
