How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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