Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
