he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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