Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
