The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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