awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
