hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
