i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
