ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
