that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
