Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
