Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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