I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
a search helicopter?!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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