So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
