So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
