If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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