found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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