her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
