If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
