is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
