your parents love me but you hate me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the condom got lost in my hair
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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