I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
