the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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