In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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